Oct. 27, 10:30PM

 I really hope you didn't see my last post. That's why I deleted it a lil while after. 

So I will start again with the current events. I Just took my evening dose of medications at 10:20-ish

Walked down to ferry from the office. Stopped for 20 minutes at Forbidden Planet(did not buy anything.) 15 minutes in, left lower leg/calf down to base of toes(but not including them) was extremely tight, wanting to and in some cases curling in. 

This would persist until around the time I got home at 8PM.

The Left hand tremor has returned with minimal finger locking. So yay for that part.

It was a bit difficult to move very briefly, with my foot hovering as if i was about to step in a puddle, but this was not severe. I persisted. I went into what I call "Abrams Tank Mode"...where I just plow through and don't let anything or anyone stop me(except oncoming traffic, that'll stop me.). I liken it to an adrenaline rush, but i somehow, maybe through my own stubbornness manage to focus it and make it last long enough to get me where I need to be or to the nearest safe place.

Overall though, I feel like, especially with this visit, we are getting real progress. 

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I switched some things around and made this blog a lil easier for me to navigate, if you're having any troubles seeing or reading things, just let me know and I'll adjust. You are the only person who I will give this link to. If you choose to share it with anyone, that's up to you, just give me a friendly heads up. This is a secure, safe, unsearchable by search engine blog. 

Dr. O'Neill...I don't know why she wants to..."give up"(?) on me, because she's the one that has had the most positive impact of anyone - any mental health professional that I've ever seen. I dunno know if she's seen it that way, but that's how I see it, and I really, really don't want to rehash my life story again with someone(unless they're writing my biography, which I'd like to be called "The life & times of Earths most acceptable hero.)new. 

She's gotten me through some real hang-ups, She helped me overcome some things she may not even have realized were giant for me...granted I have way bigger giants, but...I'm not giving up on her. I think going back to once weekly, if she can allot the time, would be helpful. But, I get that I am....A LOT, and that's putting it lightly. But I'm more than willing to commit to it.(hell, I drove, took a ferry and a 20 block walk, multiple times, if that doesn't show commitment, I don't know what does.) I looked at other choices, I even saw a few prior to meeting her&they did not work out. I'll do whatever it takes if she'll allow it...but I don't want her to feel forced. You do have my permission to share those thoughts with her of course. Maybe you can explain it better.

Finally(yes, I'm going to shut the hell up real soon.), Sat. Nov.19 is the 8yr diagnosis anniversary, or my re-birthday as I've been calling it. Since we're on our way to beating this thing(oh we will) with the surgery this year I wanted to do something a lil more special. 

If you are allowed/cleared/can get time, I'd like for you, Dr. Panov, Dr. Chapman and Samantha(I know I def. can't invite Dr. O'Neill to this sadly) to Lunch at Max Brenner's that day. 

I know, I know, rules and regulations, yadda yadda... I'm not inviting you all to my bachelor pad in the Bahamas(I have one of those? Oh right... Sim City me does. Good game.). Now, we could just say "oh what a coincidence" if asked, but; 

A] Who would ask? 

B] Chocolate. 

C] I had fucking brain surgery and all I'm supposed to do thank the people involved is give em' a fist bump or a pat on the back? Fuck that. I'm unique(breaking news.), I'm going all out...on what I can do with my ability(if I had the place in the Bahamas....maybe.) 

D] Chocolate and,

E] Do I really need to say chocolate again?

I get it if you can't, don't overthink it, its not a huge deal, just wanted to do something nice. :)

Thanks for living up to the name Epione. Really. Thank you for being you. 

 

P.S. - Hope your grandma is comfortable. :-)

P.P.S. - Don't forget you still owe me a cookie.