June 12, 2024, 11:24PM

Medically pertinent items first. 

I wish I wrote down everything you said. Bah.

The mouth hanging, what did you say that was again? 

I meant to ask, what did you and Sam discuss? Was it dogs? She's a huge dog advocate and professional dog trainer and rescuer. If you ever have any dog related question, she'll be the one you want to go to.

The skull x-ray's came in and they look every but as freaky as I thought. I know what they show... But what do they actually show? 

I know I'm not allowed to attend the meeting, but can you be the one to tell me the results/decision? When can I expect to hear it? That day? If you're thinking of waiting till after my birthday, didn't worry. I'm not particularly looking forward to my birthday,nor do I have any plans, so it won't be,"ruined." Besides, I'd rather know than be riddled anxiety wondering about it.

I want the surgery option to be a last resort if possible. I don't know if I can take having another one. I'm scared. On multiple fronts. What if another one makes it worse? What if doesn't work? What am I going to do for my job? And again, how am I going to explain this to what few people I'm close too?

Any pump or thing I need to attach to my body is out. Haha. Years ago I had to wear a Holter-monitor for a cardiologist and the sweating made it slip off(there's a good visual for you.) constantly.

Now the personal time. Thank you. Thank for for being you and always bringing your excellence to the table. Your just.... Fucking amazing in everything you do.

Thank you for your honesty, especially at your personal expense...I know I tend to get..."heavy" with my asks, but I like getting to you as well as you're getting to know me. 

I asked about the number of patients you have for a few reasons. One genuine curiosity. I literally had no idea before and would have guessed 30-40& figured that would have been over guessing it, but 500? I just can't fathom how much information you process. It literally doesn't seem physically, mentally or emotionally plausible that anyone on earth can do that at all. That you care for everyone...I just don't know how. The fact you do that all& have any kind of life outside of the hospital just...makes my head hurt like I'm doing a math problem (... Any math problem, I'm that bad at math, like I passed one math test in my life that wasn't dependent on me getting to the next grade.)

I guess what I'm saying is you're a super impressive... Calling you a person seems inefficient and I don't know what other types of gratitudes I can call you anymore

I wanted to hope I made some kind of positive Impact or you'll remember me among that hundreds, or by the end, thousands of people you care for. I don't want to be just the guy who brings you food& gifts. I don't want to just be another name on a chart. I know, it's selfish, it's demanding& it's rude, but I want to matter to you...or anyone. I want to know when I eventually die, decades from now, that people will remember me, that you will think of me as fondly as I do you. 

I want to be remembered as the guy who took all the inspirational photos, who was crazy enough to pull off the 50 state cross country road trip.( I figured out how to do Hawaii. Rent an aircraft carrier and drive around the deck. Not really.). I want to trim l run another marathon. I want to love a girl who will love me back. 

I'm tired of being average and boring. I want to be awesome and unique.