Nov. 18, 2024, 8pm

I think we both knew I was gonna push out another blog before I went under, at least you probably did. 

I started writing this on the ferry home, even though I'll be back on this island, the good island that is not Staten, in oh...11 or so hours. 

Tomorrow is full of unknowns, but there are a few things that I am knowledgeable of. 

First among those is the fact you, Katherine Emily "Epione" Leaver, are an amazing, incredible, talented, compassionate, caring, effervescent, driven, determined & fucking great doctor and human, but most important of all, you are a friend. I won't jinx it and say "you're like F-a-m...," because that never works out well for me, but, you? You're the shit 😉

I also know that unlike last time, I have a lot less fear. Yes, there's some, but most of it is baseline nerves. Not because I've been down this road before, but because I trust you, Ted, Eugenia, Giselle, Joohi, Joan, Meredith, everyone on the team, or that in some way had helped the team. 

That's not to put excess pressure on anyone, it just shows how relaxed you all make me, how at least I feel around all of you. (Maybe I'll strut around nude.)(...not really though.)

I know that you've done an exhaustive, and at times, painful job, but I hope you don't think it's thankless. I forgot it today, but I have a letter asking for a donation from the Cullman Institute. I'm donating and telling them to give you an award for excellent patient care. I want to present you with an award. That had been a goal of mine for a long time now.

I know I've put the "Looking Up Project" on the back burner for a bit because of all this, but if all goes well, I'll be jumping heading into it in January. 

I know that the food is, as Ted put it,"Terrible," which is why, and I'm hoping she remembers, Giselle said she's bringing me a bagel on Weds morning. (Still holding out hope you'll come by with a hot chocolate, or just a smile and a hug maybe Monday night haha)

I know you are going to be great at this parenting thing, because you've dealt with my whiny, crying self for 7+ years now. (It probably feels much longer to you, as I'm sure you have my face on a dartboard on the back of your door.)...I don't know what advice to give, but...try and teach them the value of independence, but the importance of having someone there. If you find a way to strike some balance there, let me know how. Don't let them be picky eaters, teach them the value of physical books, not screens. Do not get them involved in sports, you'll meet the worst people and have even less time for yourself because you'll be taking them to games and practices all. The. Time. Make sure they every the wiring world early, but didn't let them get railroaded. 

I guess at the end of the day, the main thing is, look back at your life, pick out what you didn't like growing up, and do your best to make sure they don't have to experience it.

On that note, you look incredible after having another kid and working the toughest job. What's your secret? There's a secret gym somewhere in the building, isn't there? 

I know that tomorrow will be a decade I've had this disease, and while I'm in no way happy I have it, I am happy that it's brought me people like you and Sam, and experiences like running the marathon, which I fully intend to run again, with you and a few others in tow, even if Sam says I can't. Looking back at it now,it still feels as exhilarating as it did in 2017, even seeing it from the inside now. 

I know that you're supposed to be back on the 5th floor sometime in Dec. Would you let me know which floor to go to? Also, id like to request a seat named in my honor and a portrait of me riding a turtle/cat into battle with a green lightsaber hanging up in the waiting area. 

I know you like cookies and oranges, that your favorite color is blue, but aside from the running(or in their case, waddling) penguin joke, I don't know you're actual favorite animal. Do you actually like penguins? What's your favorite Christmas memory? What's the funniest thing that's happened to you since you became a doctor? What's the New Yorkeiest thing that's you've seen since you moved here? It's a lot of asks, I get it, but try as I might, I can't get away from my journalistic inquisitive side, and you know a lot about me. Friends share. 

I don't know what will happen after tomorrow. Maybe I'll die,I certainly hope not. Maybe I'll suddenly start talking French... which would be weird. Maybe my right side will be worse than my left. Maybe they'll hit the sweet spot and I'll be back to where I was pre-diagnosis... That'd be nice. I have a lot of things I still want to do( check out my bucket list: http://lcphotowerx.blogspot.com/2018/01/my-bucket-list.html )

Whatever happens, I just hope I get some good photographs along the way.